12 Incredibly Annoying Things Hearing People Do
Let me start by saying that this blog post is not meant as a tirade about how insensitive and unsympathetic hearing people are. When you’re deaf or hard of hearing you take responsibility for educating those around you on your level of hearing ability and deaf issues.
This article encourages deaf awareness and hearing people to try and understand deaf people. We can see all the internet searches about ‘why are deaf people so rude’ and I just want to clarify why we might sometimes come across that way.
Our internet history might reflect a similar question ‘why are hearing people so annoying’. The point is we all have our pet peeves. Yes, the list below shows the 12 things hearing people do that annoy us, but we also understand that making the time and effort to communicate with us and having to constantly repeat yourselves is annoying to you.
But, if we share our irritations with one another, endeavour to understand them, then we could possibly get along better and help create a world that’s a bit fairer, a bit more accessible and even a bit better for future generations.
The below list is to help hearing people realise we’re not rude because we’re deaf, we get annoyed because many of you trigger some or all of our irritations:
- “Never mind” or “I’ll tell you later”
- Selective hearing
- Rubberlipping
- Pushing cochlear implants at us
- Jabbing us to get our attention
- “Testing one, two three”
- The “What!?” jokes
- Walking away while talking
- Shouting
- Holding your ears
- Speaking super slow
- Talking way too fast
1. It doesn’t matter, I’ll tell you later
Undoubtedly one of our, deaf and hard of hearing people’s, biggest peeves when asking someone to repeat themselves. It’s not “nothing”! Repeat what you said and let us decide. We want to enjoy the joke you made or secret you whispered to us. Thinking that it doesn’t matter is just a sign that you don’t care enough. Please share, we could use a good laugh or story.
2. “You only hear me when you want to”
Being told that we have selective hearing and just weren’t “listening” is like a slap in the face. With the exception of a sullen teenager, we are paying attention, sometimes it just takes us a minute to connect the dots of your message. Remember, we’re simultaneously trying to process reading your lips or body language while translating what you’re saying. The mental multi-tasking required is a real effort, and I can’t lip read when I’m tired. I still get this one from my family and it demonstrates an unacceptable level of ignorance. I can’t help being a good lip reader, that’s the way I am, but good lip reading skills don’t make me into a hearing person. The fact is, I am deaf, and if you don’t like it – tough shit.
3. Over-enunciating
Rubberlipping is what we call it when people over exaggerate their mouth movements when talking to us. While most of the time it’s hilarious it’s unnecessary and can actually impede lip reading. Please stop, we can’t take you seriously when you do that.
4. Cochlear implants will “fix” the problem
When someone, usually family or close friends, responds with the CI “solution” in reply to us asking them to learn sign language we have to make a real effort to not lose our shit.
While a wonderful technological advancement, cochlear implants do not work for everyone and can you imagine the shock of being deaf your whole life and then suddenly having to cope with the overwhelming stimuli of sound. Even with a cochlear implant, I am still deaf with artificial hearing which is not quite as good as natural hearing. It’s really just a very good ‘hearing aid’ – an aid to hearing.
5. Tapping too hard
Please gently touch our shoulder if you’re wanting to get our attention and pause for acknowledgement. Just because we can’t hear at the level you can, doesn’t mean we can’t feel you nearly concussing us. Also, imagine working away at your computer and thinking you’re alone when suddenly someone jabs you in the ribs, surely you would be a bit startled.
6. Hearing aid puns
Sure, speaking directly into our FM microphone going ”testing one two three” or “is this thing on” might seem funny in the moment but it is not. Firstly, that hurts! Second, being the butt of your joke is not funny, it’s just insensitive and frankly obnoxious. We enjoy a good joke as much as the next person, but we prefer not to be the punch line, thanks.
7. WHAAAAAT!? You’re deaf!
I know it sounds like we have no sense of humour, but hearing the same joke almost daily gets old fast. It goes something like this:
Hard of hearing person to friend: “Can you repeat that please, remember I’m hard of hearing”.
Yes, you constantly have to remind people.
Life-long friend: “Whaaaaat!”
8. Walking or turning away
We have to constantly remind people to not walk away when speaking to us. We can’t hear you properly or lip read you when you cover your mouth, turn your head away, chew gum or walk into another room while continuing the conversation. Please face us, we want to listen to what you have to say.
9. Screaming and yelling
It might seem like the natural thing to do, but yelling at a deaf person does not mean we can miraculously hear you. Also, shouting at someone wearing hearing aids can actually make them deafer, imagine someone screaming directly into your ear. Take cues from the deaf or hard of hearing person and follow their lead, they’re the expert. I always say “Just speak normally, speak clearly and slow down a tiny bit.”
10. Holding your ears
Obviously, no one likes a loud mouth. We do not know how loud we’re talking, so instead of holding your ears and making us feel like a complete ass, maybe just tell us we’re shouting. We don’t want to be ‘that’ person either.
11. Speaking super slow
Thank you for not shouting, but speaking in an excessively slow way makes us feel like you think we’re complete morons. True, not all of us can lip read or lip read well, but by speaking super slow you’re distorting the sound of your voice which makes it even more difficult to hear, and distorting the shape of your words so it’s harder to lip read you. Talking slightly slower than normal would be perfect and very much appreciated.
12. Talking too fast
We get it. When you’re excited or in a hurry, you tend to speak faster. But we can’t hear any faster. Actually, when you speak too fast we have no idea what you’re saying which inevitably results in us asking you to repeat yourself and you getting frustrated and saying “never mind”.
Communicating with deaf people
- Gently tap our shoulder to get our attention.
- Face us when talking to us.
- Stand a metre or so away so we can see your lips and observe your body language.
- Speak clearly at a normal pace.
- Please repeat what you’ve said when we ask.
- Be respectful and don’t make assumptions.
- Ask us how we prefer to communicate.
- If you think the joke might be inappropriate, it probably is.
- Try and avoid starting a conversation in a place that’s noisy or has bad lighting.
Let your friends, colleagues and family members know if there are some deaf issues they aren’t aware of. Help one another have more enjoyable conversations.
If you’re keen on creating a business that is more deaf aware then check out our deaf awareness training courses.
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Turning down the lighting and putting on music to create a ‘nice atmosphere’ at a dinner party Not for me it’s not, it’s a recipe for a swift exit!
Oh, and saying ‘cheer up it may never happen’, because you’re not looking amused by the witty conversation!
Not including me in a conversation, actually purposefully
ignoring my presence in the room.
After learning that I’m deaf the same person says “well at least your not blind. That would be horrible” or ” at least your not in a wheelchair.”
Haha, somebody said that to my daughter while I was there (and I am in a wheelchair). Haha. Sometimes you have to laugh at stupidity.
Well they have a point
Most annoyed is when customer service person who is doing helping me, soon as I read or write to reply to him, person would starting help other behind me.
My favorite: “I thought you would like the loud noise”
Rolled eyes and exasperated sighs if you ask them to repeat something. Big turnoff.
Totally agree with you!
My x signs amazing language but even more amazing is th ability to lip read but I think we all do it without knowing. Because I know I can’t stand it when someone doesn’t give me face contact when speaking.
A repost, but an essential one: Communicating with deaf people
Gently tap our shoulder to get our attention.
Face us when talking to us.
Stand a metre or so away so we can see your lips and observe your body language.
Speak clearly at a normal pace.
Please repeat what you’ve said when we ask.
Be respectful and don’t make assumptions.
Ask us how we prefer to communicate.
If you think the joke might be inappropriate, it probably is.
Try and avoid starting a conversation in a place that’s noisy or has bad lighting.
Let your friends, colleagues and family members know if there are some deaf issues they aren’t aware of.
Help one another have more enjoyable conversations.
If you’re keen on creating a business that is more deaf aware then check out our deaf awareness training courses.
Every one of these issues happens to me on a regular basis.
One thing I find extremely annoying at work I find memos written in 14-18 size font in all caps loaded with exclamation points. I can see and read fine. Very annoying and offensive.
I’d suggest writing back in the same way. That’ll stop them quickly enough 🙂
🙂
You give them a pencil & piece of paper & ask them to write out what they say & they give it to you.
Love it! Excellent advice
I have a couple of “friends” who have over the years thought it cute to mouth words soundlessly. I cannot guess what their point would be except mocking. I’m thinking of Michael Lee in particular. It isn’t funny or fun.
One does NOT need friends like that!
Very helpful article. Thank you very much.
People who think once you have CI , automatically can hear normal. Where it is a great improvement it still takes work to understand what we have not heard in years. Every one of these comments are truth. I might add you just can’t fix stupid, ignorant, uncaring people. So find a different friend or isolate yourself from that family member.
Hearing people also have to deal with rudeness, inconsiderate behavior and bad communication skills every day. Hearing impairment doesn’t help, but the problem is universal and getting worse. The world of sound is no picnic. Background noise is increasing to stupid levels.
At my Italian night class and no one asks me questions when we are taking turns to do so.I sometimes feel like walking out in tears.I sit and stare at each person but no one engages with me. I also have an acquaintance who mouths at me kidding on my CI isn’t working.Another holds me by the shoulders and tries to turn my head away and shout in my ear.Also same guy who mouths at me tells every new person to the group that I am deaf etc .Should be up to me to explain.
When I tell someone I can’t hear, they so often lean in, cup their mouth in their hands and start talking or shouting directly in my ear. Not only does this make it impossible for me to understand them (as at that point I can no longer see their lips), but the personal space invasion is extremely disturbing to me.
Yet even that is better than the numerous times strangers have approached me with a question I didn’t get straight away, and when I tell them I am deaf, they have gone wide eyed, stammered an apology of sorts and walked/ran away.
https://www.chicagonow.com/running-with-a-book-cart/2012/04/why-yes-im-deaf-do-you-have-a-problem-with-that/
https://agnostic.com/post/550608/profound-words-shared-by-anthony-hopkins-let-go-of-people-who-arent-ready-to-love-you-yet-t
It takes one to know/understand one. Those who are not so afflicted may never quite understand the challenges faced by those of us who are deaf/deafened without actually experiencing the disability. We can appeal to moral decency that they might facilitate and accommodate communications. But we live in an increasingly fast and dynamic society, and there will always be those persons who will not take the time.
Lost my hearing in my 59-60’s and everyone is pretty understanding. I am educating myself and learning sign language. I figured that everyone around me can learn from me. My husband is the worse to be understanding or compassionate. When we are out with people, he will tell them he always faces me when talking, he never yells and ( this is the funny one), he never is insulting or makes fun of me. He does ALL of these. It hurts me and I feel so alone. So, I am immersing myself in knowledge and family and friends that want to learn from me.
I can hear and I knew most of these. I learned ASL in college and because I had to attend Deaf events I met several deaf people. Another one is to just walk through a conversation, do not stop the conversation or hunch over. Deaf people do not need to see your butt. Even though it is not the same, I have epilepsy and I hate it when people tell me that I should be fixed, there are operations to remove my seizures (which I have already asked and am not a candidate), to not play video games; strobing lights are not one of my triggers, and basically every reaction of fear being around me. Swallowing my tongue is the worst reaction and a myth. I’m sure the Deaf have had their share of negative experiences. I will admit I thought I would be just learning another language, I did not consider at the time having to learn Deaf culture. In my opinion ASL is the best form of communication. Not a fan of lip reading. I still get signs wrong, but that is how I improve. Been rusty for 6 years but started learning ASL in 2010. While learning ASL I learned that being brave and overcoming your own uncomfortable feelings helps you to learn the language faster, and learn it from Deaf people not a book.
I have two friends that are deaf. I was wondering if anyone could help me understand the thought process in communicating with hearing. Some of my hearing acquaintainces feel like my deaf friend is always talking over them. (like as soon as they say the first 3 words to the sentence my friend cuts them off and finishes the sentence for them. ) I am only guessing here, but i think its because when you are deaf, you are trying to figure out what the hearing person is talking about, and when you get a feel for the conversation, you are sort of letting them know you understand what it is they are talking about? (not sure? please help me), as my friend gets upset if i ask about it. Thank you in advance.
Hi! I’m hard hearing and my dad is always forcing me to wear my hearing aids, I don’t get breaks, I constantly get asked if I have my hearing aids on because I can’t understand them, I’m good at lip reading but it is annoying having to prioritize everyone about them talking to me even though I’m the one who has to deal with everyone being so disrespectful, and I asked my family to learn ASL with me and no one wants to learn and says that they don’t need to unless it is required, my dad says I need to open my ears and pay attention, and it is so frustrating that I tried to explain but no one will listen, my family don’t understand that HEARING AIDS OR/AND LIP READING DOES NOT CURE DEAFNESS OR MAKE ME HEARING! I’m so tired of everyone telling me how I’m selfish but still force me to prioritize them before me
The nerve though of people who encourage and want diversity and equality to use divisive b1tchy terms and headlines and exoect majorities to be like ‘ohh grreat I love to he insulted an and it is real going to encourage me to listen or care about what you have to say’.I am going to write an article called 10 annoying things dead people do and expectations they have for the majority of the population to accommodate them’ which would cause outtrage so why would you write an article basically saying the same about others