Well, well, well — if it isn’t Donald Trump turning a royal meet-and-greet into an episode of The Bachelor: Windsor Edition. Our lip reader reveals all!
The former president touched down at Windsor Castle for his historic second state visit, and before you could say “God Save the Queen,” he was out of Marine One and schmoozing like his life depended on it. Forget trade deals or military salutes: the real headline was the presidential patter flying faster than the Red Arrows overhead.
According to a lip reader, the Don kicked things off with Prince William in full ‘old-pal energy,’ booming:
“Hello, my friend, how are ya?”
Then he pivoted to Princess Kate, and you could feel the flattery coming from across the lawn.
“Hello, beautiful, beautiful,” he gushed, like a man auditioning for Love Island: Commonwealth Edition.
Melania chimed in with the ever-diplomatic:
“It’s a pleasure to see you.”
To which Kate, the picture of grace, smiled, probably resisting the urge to check if her lipstick was still intact.
William, the family man and subtle peacekeeper, put a hand on Kate’s back and said:
“Let’s walk over together.”
Translation: Before he calls her gorgeous, stunning, AND radiant, let’s keep it moving.
As they strolled, Trump asked,
“How are the children?”
William replied, like the consummate parent he is:
“They’re well and at school.”
Trump’s response?
“Well, blow me.”
Excuse me?! Somewhere in the distance, a royal corgi fainted.
William, unbothered king that he is, carried on politely:
“The new term started a couple of weeks ago.”
Trump chuckled and added:
“It’s been a while since you chatted with me.”
Wills, with that dry British humour sharper than a Buckingham butter knife, shot back to Kate:
“He has missed our little chats.”
Then to Trump:
“We can talk now you’re here on a visit.”
To which Trump replied:
“We have lots to catch up with, and there’s been lots of changes.”
Cue the royal side-eye of the century.
The rest of the day was a blur of pomp and pageantry with carriages, guards of honour, 120 horses, 1,300 troops, and a flypast so loud you could barely hear yourself cringe. The King even joked “watch the sword” when Trump inspected the honour guard, a sentence that sounds like foreshadowing for a Netflix docuseries.
Later came the state banquet, the speeches, the sparkle, and the castle, but none of that topped the moment Trump greeted the Princess of Wales with a double “beautiful.” Because when you’re Donald J. Trump, every international visit is just a slightly bigger wedding reception, and you’re the best man and the main event.
Still, credit where it’s due: for a man whose normal tone is ‘angry press conference,’ he managed to make Windsor feel like a rom-com, and in lip reading terms, that’s priceless.
Want to know what’s really being said when the cameras roll but the microphones miss the juicy bits? From royal flirtations to political facepalms, contact us or email [email protected] — because lips never lie, even when presidents flirt.
And that’s another secret off the lips and onto the page. Remember, the microphones may miss it, the cameras may crop it, but the lips never lie. Stick around for the next instalment of Lip Reader Chronicles: whether it’s politicians, celebrities, or people who should really know better, we’re here to decode every last syllable.
